Do Less and Be Loved More

How to Really Relate to Others

Peg Tompkins

Order now, with secure on-line order form
ISBN: 978-0-931892-64-6, 84 pages, 5.5 x 8.5, paper, $13.00

Do you really want to know how to get along with others, not only get along, but really "relate"?

This book is a clear guide on how to listen, really listen, so that everyone is appreciated for their sensitivity and no one ends up a persecutor, a victim, or a rescuer.

Instead of trying to relate to others, Peg gives helpful guidelines on how to simply be with others. You don't have to try to please others anymore (even though you still like to), and they will love you more because you support them and because you retain your own unique presence.

This book will help you clear away the psychological mud that may have accumulated in your relationships and help you rediscover your ability to resolve interpersonal problems in a forgiving, non-judgmental atmosphere.

Table of Contents

1. Your Right and Ability

2. Rescuing

3. Change

4. Empathy

5. Self-Exploration

6. Self-Understanding

7. Discounting

8. Self-Actualization

9. Use in Daily Life


Feelings of trust and caring are quickly established when empathy is expressed. It helps the speaker to feel safe and encourages them to keep talking. Usually, the speaker is eager to continue to share with you. Empathetic responses can be effectively repeated throughout the conversation. In certain instances, such as the death of a loved one or the case of an incurable illness, the only assistance you may be able to provide for the other person is the recognition and acknowledgment of their feelings and your willingness to hear them. The most helpful thing you are doing for them is allowing them to reach through and express their feelings of frustration and loneliness. You provide the comfort of being heard and feeling understood.

Expressing empathy is not nearly as complicated as it may sound. Once you have mastered a few basic skills of reflective listening, you will find it easy, and less stressful on yourself than other methods of “R” rescuing that you may have used in the past.

The effective use of reflective listening, active listening, facilitative listening, or any one of several phrases used to describe the concept involves three fundamentals:

  1. The ability to summarize in a few words what the speaker has said.
  2. The ability to accurately identify the feelings the speaker is experiencing, whether they are verbally expressed or merely implied.
  3. The ability to respond in a manner that clearly conveys your understanding of the first two fundamentals; neither adding or detracting from what the speaker had actually said.

Blue Dolphin Publishing, 1988

Order Information / Blue Dolphin Publishing Home